Inside the Sounds of Silence..

I'm at work...my other job at the photography studio. It's completely quiet in here because the rest of the world is at the Clemson game, including my boss. The song, "Hallelujah" as performed by Jeff Buckley is playing on Pandora, and that song is one of the most beautiful I've ever heard. In this moment, things seem perfect. In the stillness with just the sound of the lyrics, everything is just like it should be. Before this song came on, it was Simon and Garfunkel's "Sounds of Silence," which is another song that just kind of makes me stop and take notice of the moment I am in. It makes me notice the tiny things I haven't even attended to until that small moment of everything which appears to be just right. Not that it will be when this moment is over. I have essays to grade...yes, YOUR essays. I only got 12 graded all day yesterday because I didn't feel well all day and I spent most of the day mopey and pitiful. I love teaching. It's such a fantastic job, but I hate the grading papers part of it. It means I have to be still, and I am really, really lousy at sitting still.

The song is ending. My moment inside of perfect will go away as soon as the next song starts, even if it's another good song. It's just that this was a moment, unmatched. Ugh! Even worse...not another song, but a commercial. A jolt back to reality.

Suggestions...

I would take suggestions if there is something in particular you would like to hear me talk/rant/vocalize about. Just leave me a comment with an idea. It just might be better than anything I could come up with to talk about. XOXO

One thing I don't understand at all is why students show up for class but they do not do any of their work. What's the point? Someone is paying for you to be here, right? Someone expects that you're attending classes in an effort to do well, pass, and move on, right? So why just come to class and do nothing? This aspect about students boggles my mind.

If you're attending class, then you should put in the effort to get the work completed. There's a chance you might actually be right! Succeed! There's no point to attend class for 15 weeks, just to have to retake the same class next semester.

Education is a gift. Treat is as such.

The Merry Christmas Equilalent to Happy Holidays...

This was borrowed from another blog that I read with some regularity, and it's just a great preface to this entry for today:

(09-08) 04:00 PDT Fresno --

Fresno County authorities have arrested a man they say broke into the home
of two farmworkers, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with a
sausage before fleeing.
Fresno County sheriff's Lt. Ian Burrimond says the suspect, 22-year-old
Antonio Vasquez of Fresno, was found hiding in a nearby field wearing only
a T-shirt, boxer shorts and socks.
The victims told deputies they awoke Saturday morning to the stranger
applying spices to one of them and striking the other with an 8-inch
sausage.
Burrimond said money allegedly stolen in the burglary was recovered. The
sausage was tossed away by the fleeing suspect and eaten by a dog.

Oh god, you guys. A man broke into a house in his pajamas and RUBBED A FARMWORKER DOWN WITH SPICES. This story is pure gold. It kind of makes me happy to be alive.

Not that I have any idea how being rubbed with spices and beat with a sausage compares with how I spent my last couple of weeks, but fecking comedy gold.

Why I can't fill in everything that's happened since my last post (hello...totaled my car???) I can talk about the last couple of days.

Christmas. It was, you know? It came and went as it does every year, and I end up feeling like I've been hit by a truck. This year more than ever because, well, I hit a truck literally, and a car. You know, wreck. Yeah, it all keeps coming back to that. My hand hurts like hell. My foot is all whacked out. My pinkie looks like half a hot dog wiener.

But I want to make a list of all the good things that have happened.

1) On Christmas Eve, on the way home from Iva, 97.1 (if I have to listen to the radio, this is my station) played some great songs all the way home. They played "Roxanne" by the Police, "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel...and no commercials all the way home. It was nice.

2) Although no one bought me the "Once" DVD for Christmas, and that was what I wanted most this year, I found it on sale at Rainbow Records. I used Christmas money to get it and came home and watched it immediately. It would only be better if I could get someone to actually watch it with me now. I want to share this.

3) Clothes sales. Bras and panties...the other thing I asked for and didn't get for Christmas, went on sale online at two of my favorite stores, so I have 4 bras and 6 cute pairs of panties on their way to me via UPS. Cute usually means uncomfortable, so it will be a bonus if they're not only adorable on my ass, but actually cover everything and not ride up the crotch. Likewise, if the bras don't pinch, shiny! Also, I got a kick-ass pair of Hello Kitty socks.

4) Maybe I should have made this #1, but I finally (FINALLY!!) got to watch Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog and it was AHHHHMAZING. Nathan Fillion has my heart forever. I would get rubbed with spices and beat with a sausage for five minutes with this man.

5) I got a pair of Uggs. Yes, I was the Ugg naysayer. Ugly, I said. Who would wear those? the answer is me, and their fecking comfortable.

6)Sleep is ranking high on the list, even though sometimes I can do it and other times, I can't. Like now. However, the tritophan-induced nap I took this afternoon was brilliant. And when I sleep, I have these incredibly real dreams. They make very little sense and sometimes freak me out a little bit (the reappearing Viagra dream?? the girl showing up Christmas morning dressed as a superhero with a Zorro mask??).

7) Videogames have been a highlight. We've played the Wii (and as I will probably say again, I am the Wii American Idol Grand Champion), although I've been more of a Wii spectator, and I've killed at Buzz Trivia on the Playstation.

8) I've had a lot of time to read, and so I've gotten into some good books. I read Rob Sheffield's "Love Is A Mix-Tape" which was excellent. I've also started Kevin Smith's book, "My Boring-Life" but I have to read it in small doses (bathroom, natch). I bought A.J. Jacobs book, "The Year of Living Biblically." I've also gotten a little farther in "Wicked." May begin the Stackhouse series soon (from the writer of "True Blood."

9) Free downloaded songs. I've hit the jackpot lately on some really good free downloads. I've gotten some Pavement, Swell Season, TV On the Radio, the Frames, and then some new bands I'm not that familiar with. When I start driving again (fingers crossed), I'll have some great tunes downloaded.

10) Food. Holidays are yummy.

Honorable Mention:

Kanye's songs: "Heartless" and "Love Lockdown." I LIKED the SNL performance, so screw you everyone else who said it sucked. I thought it was great.

Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?

I have had some of the best friends. I've shared moments with some of these friends that I think could go down in the friendship hall of fame, if there were such. I remember having some illness, and two friends making me a basket filled with chick flicks, chocolates, and magazines. That's stellar. I also had a friend who knew I was selling my couch to make extra money, so he gave me $50 more than what I was asking for it. So why am I even bringing this up? Because we're no longer friends. The two who made me the basket, well, we had a "falling out" several years ago and I have no idea where my couch savior even lives these days. My middle school friends are gone, my high school friends are spread out, my college friends moved to Pete only knows, and my grad school friends didn't leave a forwarding address. I think people are just meant to be a part of your life as stepping stones, but I hate that.

But what kind of friend am I? I have friends call that I don't call back, and I'm notorious for canceling plans. Maybe it's my fault. I'm selfish. It’s interesting how you can be so close with a person for so long and then in one instance not even know who they are.

I did not wake up this way this morning. I felt great today. I was in a good mood. I got enough sleep. This afternoon, I just got bummed out. Now I'm eating a frozen pizza (planned on cooking dinner) and might even be asleep before any of my TV shows come on.

At least it's already Wednesday.

Good News For People Who Love Bad News...

Was that the name of Modest Mouse's album? I can't quite remember. I have it on the shelf somewhere, but I am much too tired to go look.

Well, it was a week! One of the highs from the week: I finally got my students' blog set up and they are really posting on it. I am so proud of them. They are helping each other while reading "Mythology" which really is a hard book. I remember struggling through that book in college, and these are children! Is that the only high from the week? Well, I did get to come home a couple of days straight from work: no other stops along the way. That's always good, but rare.

The lows of the week...wow. I have a few of those. One is a certain change in dynamic. A friendship pricked by ignorance, but not just the ignorance of others. I really think I set myself up for these things. I think I dig holes right in front of my feet and then look up surprised when I fall right in, as if I had some other expectation when I put one foot in front of the other. And man have I had years of practice!

My current aggravation is that I can't find a song I have a sudden hankering to listen to: Ani Difranco's "Napoleon" --because someone was talking about playing Risk, the game, and said they were quite the little Napoleon.

I haven't added song lyrics in a bit now, so I think I will.

*********************************************************
Song: "For the Girl"
Artist: The Fratellis

Well she said I know but I just can't tell
Everything you've just been saying
Lucy was there as well in the dark
The kids in the band were playing

No-one can hear a word or tell
What the girl was singing
See she must've been 16 or 18
I'm just past caring

She was into the Stones when
I was into the Roses
She was breaking my bones when
I was bursting their noses
She would tell me a secret
I would lose it the next day
Young love pleases you easy
Makes you sick in a bad way

And all the while the girls sang
La la la la and she sang
Kickings for my sweetheart
Bruises that I just don't miss

And she said "I can't love you anymore than this!"

La la la la la la la...............
La la la la la la la...............

Aw she said she said no no no no
Then again yes why don't you kill me
He asked him why you messed up right there
Sweetheart you know that don't thrill me
Said I would've been there for if you had been a little bit nicer
I was dead by Sunday half dead scared just trying to please her

She getting the pills when
I was into her best friend
She was chasing the thrills
And living down at the West End
she was pretty in braces
I lived under her window
She said take me to London
Tell me something I don't know

And all the while the girls sang
La la la la she sang
Kickings for my sweetheart
Bruises that I just don't miss

And she said "I can't love you anymore than this!"

La la la la la.....
La la la la la.....
La la la la la.....

She was into the Stones when
I was into the Roses
She was breaking my bones when
I was bursting their noses
She would tell me a secret
I would lose it the next day
Young love pleases you easy
Makes you sick in a bad way
And all the while the girls sang
La la la la she sang
Kickings for my sweetheart
Bruises that I just don't miss

And she said I don't like you
You can't stand me
I can't love you anymore than this

A MOMENT OF MY MIND. A DAY IN THE LIFE, SO THEY SAY

I've been seriously absent here, as of late. I think I forgot this space existed, and I've been back to blogging only in my mind.
I haven't been away for lack of words to say. My stories have been spinning and shooting through my skin lately, but i have let my busy life and my need to keep some of me inside, keep me silent. I'm never good with silence, though. Those who know me best only know that's the very thin edge of the truth. Me? Quiet? With nothing to say? I always need to share myself. I constantly write letters, think in diary entries, imagine novels and movies--all in my head.

As a teenager it would have been a different world if I had had the internet as a source of communication.

October is my favorite month. Fall. I hope to see good things on my little October horizon.

Song Lyrics**************

I wouldn't want you to want
To be wanted by me
I wouldn't want you to worry
You'd be drowned within my sea

I only wanted to be wonderful
And wonderful is true
In truth I only really wanted
To be wanted by you